Only managed this once before, typing a post out on my phone one-handed, while Charly sleeps on me held tight in my other arm.
I was chatting to @casseytoi earlier & she says this is the way to manage a short update post – told you I’d give it a try!
After a long torturous week of heartbroken crying baby, maxing 2 hours broken sleep a night; last night Charly let me sleep in three solid chunks totaling 6 hours, including a straight 3 hours – the longest stretch in the almost 6 weeks since she was born! It was desperately needed.
I think I am struggling with a bout of postnatal blues. I say blues, because I don’t feel it is serious enough to qualify as postnatal depression. I have days I feel very alone in spite of the amazing support system I have & particularly this past week I have had moments where I have been swamped with hopelessness.
I feel this is mainly in response to my precious baby suffering which is terribly hard to tolerate. She has been unusually fussy and clingy, only wanting me to hold and calm her. According to a very interesting book I just started reading, The Wonder Weeks by Hetty Vanderijt & Frans Plooij, the 5 week mark is one of several periods of developmental growth that often results in a very fussy baby; so I am hoping this too shall pass & last night was a sign of that & easing of her pain.
Yesterday we used our gorgeous playgym mat from my sister & Charly seemed to love it, kicking her little legs & waving at the dangly animals. She also seems to enjoy tummy time for short periods. I can’t believe how much she is growing – physically and as a little person. She is also trying to smile in response to crazy talk as opposed to the usual general smile she has always had.
I had an early 6 week checkup on Wednesday & all is healing as it should. I will be moving from the mood stabilizer I was on for milk production to a proper antidepressant over the next weeks until I begin feeling more me. It is completely safe to take while breastfeeding, which was my greatest concern. Best of all, I am clear to drive again! After 3 months of no driving I am so excited for that, even though I haven’t done it as yet; just knowing I can gives me a sense of self that has been missing for a long while.
So that’s it for now, I am actively working on the c-section post so as promised there is progress happening. Hope you are all well. For a person who once lived my whole life online, this once a week checkin across all platforms is tough!