I am incredibly resistant to writing this. I need to though, because I want 2018 to stay where it is – in the past. So I need to unpack it all… Look one last time and let go. 2018 has been full of loss, devastation, heartache, disappointment and unreached goals. It has also held elements of inspiration, clarity of purpose, finding true friends to replace those who didn’t deserve my heart and finding our forever home. [Read more…]
Can you guys even believe that Charly is heading towards 5 years old?? Ok, I might be jumping ahead, but time seems to be on fast forward this year… So it isn’t too much of a stretch for me to imagine blinking and finding ourselves in February 2019. Living in the future is somewhat necessary right now as we face applying for schools for Grade R in 2020. Can anybody say overwhelm? But, again, I am jumping ahead… We are long overdue a Charly Roses update and there is so much to tell about our ninja ballerina gymnast! [Read more…]
There have been some very scary stories and social media posts going around on missing children, child trafficking and people trying to steal kids off the streets or from their mother’s arms. Some of them are very real. And others are completely fake. When I see people sharing false facts around child trafficking or kidnapping, it really upsets me. Because the realities are scary enough and making up stuff takes away from that and creates unnecessary work for SAPS. When I see panicked moms trying to build digital walls around their children’s identities because they fear Facebook is some kind of shopping list for their babies, I get seriously angry. So I did what I do – research. [Read more…]
I was recently at the Ford South Africa Driving Skills for Life (DSFL) event to share car seat safety tips. I joined Johan, who was the MasterDrive expert on what to do in a hijacking situation. There were five groups, so I went through the session often enough to have it properly sink in. Like most South African parents, I read and memorised a hijacking article that came out a few years back. Within seconds of starting this session I realised there were some massive discrepencies between what I was learning and what I had read. While this isn’t the kind of thing I usually share here, I had a lot of questions on a few points I shared online and sharing is what I do best. Here are some of the biggest things I learned about getting yourself and your family out of a hijacking situation safely. [Read more…]
A month and 2 days since I shared what I thought was the worst thing I could share. I had to re-read it now, to try to figure out where to begin. It hurts every inch of my soul to read it, especially knowing how much worse it was going to get. For 6 days, I mourned losing a baby. I raged over everything; but I had no idea how angry I would get. I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever go to the bathroom again without my mind preparing me for too much bleeding. I was in so much pain with the cramping… And I was heartbroken, for myself and so very much for my Charly. For 6 days I experienced a miscarriage, only to find out I was still pregnant. But this was not good news… Because there is a difference between a pregnancy and an ectopic pregnancy. [Read more…]
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Yesterday morning I was pregnant. This is not the post I am meant to be sharing. Yesterday morning I was preparing to publish “Pregnant in Cape Town (Again)”. I was sharing the crazy amazing story of how unbelievably unlikely the magical little being inside of me happening was. How I woke up on May 14th and knew without a doubt that I was pregnant. How I had to wait 2 weeks to miss my period before the test would pick it up. And then how I took the test and watched the line appear… Yesterday morning I was 5 weeks pregnant, I was sure it was a boy and then I lost my baby.
There are some questions you know you will have to answer as a girl mom… Where do babies come from? What is a period? Why doesn’t (somebody) like me? Each question holds its own fears for me. As someone with incredibly low self esteem, the scariest questions for me are around the concept of being beautiful. After all, what DOES beautiful look like? The instinctive answer in my head is always, “not like me”. I have no idea where it started, but I know it never ended. I would do anything to avoid ever having Charly even ask the question! Because that would mean she had a sense of it herself.
A few of you may have seen or heard me mention a thing I have been working towards since the beginning of last year called #ProjectMe. I was hinting at it already in 2016 when the idea first came to me, when I was suffering from severe burnout after #CarseatFullstop. It began really clarifying itself when I did the #CTConfidence shoot with Abigail K. And then 2017 sucked me under and the very reason I so desperately needed to begin this journey of reprioritising me – losing myself in the chaos of motherhood and deadlines and finances and and and – became a roadblock to my getting #ProjectMe off the ground.
Late last year I decided 2018 was going to be the best year ever and #ProjectMe was definitely going to be a part of that. And then… of course… this happened. Instagram followers would also have seen that February quickly joined January on the trashheap of 2017. But March! March has been moving in all the right directions! And it is all starting to come together!
Not sure when I became the kind of blogger that only writes when I have something specific to say. Remember the good old days when I just blogged all the time about every random thing that caught my attention? I have a daily microblog thing going on on Instagram. You know what I have found? It’s the photos. I LOVE photos. They tell stories. So when I write here, I can knock out a post in a few hours, but then I have to take or choose photos… which can literally take me days (I wrote this 2 weeks ago). I have drafts, full articles, that have never been published because I just never got to finding the right photos. So yes, Instagram kind of forces me to select a photo from the day (there is at least one photo every day since Charly was born), and then share a bit about the day that was. Oh, yes… back to the topic! Do you remember how bad it was to be called a tattletale? I do. It causes that internal flinch in a goodytwoshoes like myself. From bullies on the playground to grown ups – teachers, parents, aunts and uncles; being called a tattletale was about the worst thing you could be called.
Late last year, life got away from me. I was beyond excited to become a brand ambassador for the Ford Everest through #CarseatFullstop. I was featured on Expresso with the lovely Graeme Richards. I filmed my first video for child safety with Ford. I had an amazing photoshoot with Josie Photography, with Charly showing off some of our favourite brands and awesome gift ideas. I was a guest expert on the Expresso Morning show, the South African Mommy Facebook page, and on Phumeza Lang‘s #SistahoodHour. And in amongst that craziness, I was betrayed and shattered emotionally by somebody incredibly close to me, two of my best friends moved away, my mommy fell ill and my granny went into hospital for a blood clotting issue. 2017 was somewhat of a bitch. 2018 was going to be better, and I decided that I wasn’t going to let January ruin that for me. So ‘tsek January, you cannot sit with us. I have officially declared you part of 2017, where you can have no affect on the awesomeness that 2018 has the potential to be.
It seems unlikely that you would be here and not know how riled up I get about the fact that car passenger deaths are the fourth leading cause of unnatural death in South African children. I’m a person who always wants to save the world, #CarseatFullstop is the way I have chosen to take that on. And then, every now and again, I am reminded that there are (one or two) worse things in the world. Where often a child without a car seat is a lack of understanding, and other times straight up neglect, there are people out there that maliciously and intentionally hurt their own, or other people’s, children. Abuse. For 16 days, from the 25 November to the 10th of December every year, people across the world work together to try to raise awareness and oppose violence against women and children.
Is there ever a time where you don’t feel like you just fail as a mom? For me, it started right from the beginning and I get a fresh rush of it every other day. I doubt myself as a person, as a mother, constantly. And then, the other day, after a little “all fall down” on Instagram and Facebook, I had you awesome mamas reminding me that I was not alone… It made me stop, and think about WHY I felt that way. It isn’t because what I am doing is wrong or dangerous for my child or anybody elses, it is simply because I know that there are a million people out there that believe that their way is the ONLY way. I still feel like I fail on the regular, today included, but I remind myself that how I am raising my girl is not the wrong way or the right way, it is just MY way. So I have my little meltdown and then I shake it off. So here are some of the things I do MY way… and why I don’t care if you think I am wrong.
One of the things that frustrates me the most with South African car seats, is that so many of our children outgrow their harnessed child car seats before they are able to safely use a booster seat with the car seatbelt alone. I had to face this with our secondary car seat that lives in my mom’s car recently. What am I talking about? Contrary to occasionally misleading salespeople and brand reps… Other than 3 car seats in South Africa, all toddler seats – rear or forward facing – only allow use of the harness up to 18kgs and 105cm. This is where my obsession with the BeSafe iZi Plus began… [Read more…]
I have shared these facts in random places, in words. Never all in one place and never with photos. Last year, I started a crusade with #CarseatFullstop. I was so full of righteous anger and frustration at all the parents of South Africa that had the means, but didn’t use car seats for their children. I still carry a huge amount of frustration, but it comes with a humility of having faced my own mom shame on all the things I was doing wrong that was putting my child’s life at risk… This is not a pat-myself-on-the-back for changing my ways post.