This week has knocked me on my butt, literally at times. I’ve been extremely stubborn and determined about getting back up though, which I feel is progress. Let’s start at the beginning…
Monday began chaotically as I rushed to finish the last Supermommies’ story and get it up. I also had to rework two stories that my client wasn’t happy with, which really put a dent in my self confidence. And then I started getting feedback that my blog wasn’t working properly with recent stories vanished into thin air.
Charly was refusing to go down for her nap, so I organised lunch for my mom, Charly and I; and then rushed to get her to sleep. I barely made it out of my pjs to get to my therapist at 1. I let all the mania and stress out there as I always do, and then headed back into the chaos.
I spent all afternoon working with my husband, my amazing web developer and my webhost trying to find and fix the issues with the site. It turned out to be an issue on the web host’s side which we discovered at close to 5pm. I could only then share the new Supermommies piece with confidence and pray that not too many people had hit the button and been taken to a dead link. My mom also leaves at 3:30 every day, so while I was dealing with all of that I was also trying desperately not to neglect my daughter and failing miserably. By bedtime I was broken and hoped for a good night and an even better day on Tuesday.
Monday night was a bad one for Charly; she had been awake every hour and every 20 minutes from 5am until I had given up and started the day just after 6. Tuesday was more focus on client work, and writing up and publishing the Huggies event and nappy pants review. And further promotion of the Supermommies series while trying to make up for lost time the day before. I also had to deal with some body corporate drama randomly in the middle of the day. Then begin and try to finish the review for the amazing Lock-It.
By late afternoon I was nursing a nasty migraine and again alone with miss muffet. Only this time with no relief in sight as Brett went to a function straight from work and arrived only just in time to say goodnight to Charly. Right before he arrived home I had to deal with a massive Poonami and virtually hose Charly down before bed. Once I got her to sleep, I got up and snuck out the room to work more on the review and spend some time with Brett. Broken tired I fell into bed around 10.
Tuesday night was another shocker and Wednesday another day with a pre-7am start. Wednesday is our alone day; the one day a week I try not to work on clients or the blog so I can focus fully on Charly. We had a good morning playing and reading and dancing around. I tried to avoid the glaring emails and unfinished work until naptime when I could deal with them without ignoring Charly. She went down for her nap, snuggled up against me at 11:30. I went through my mails and then started to work on the Lock-It review.
Just before 12, something felt very wrong. I was lying next to Charly after breastfeeding her a little to resettle her after a short wake up. The room was doing a slow spin and I felt incredibly dizzy and nauseous. I decided to try to sneak out the room to put a cold cloth on my face or neck or something; but the right side of my body felt too heavy and I collapsed on the floor. I was too dizzy and nauseous to get back up. I was panicked and terrified and all I could think was not to wake Charly.
Luckily I had my phone in my pocket – I almost always do – and I could message Brett and my mom to come quickly. I lay there on the floor listening to Charly breathing steadily and I just begged the universe over and over to let her sleep til somebody arrived.
I also couldn’t stop freaking out about what would have happened if I had not been able to call for help. Or if Charly was awake and I couldn’t move. Or if I had been carrying her down the stairs when it happened. And then there was the panic of not knowing what was wrong with me or what had happened.
Brett arrived first, called the doctor and made an appointment to take me in, he grabbed some pillows to prop up my feet on advice from the doctor, and then sat and held my hand in silence while we waited for my mom to arrive to watch Charly. When she woke she could sense something was wrong as Brett helped dress me and get up and move downstairs and to the car. She was tearful and clingy and it made me feel a million times worse, even though I tried to smile and talk normally.
All that drama, and it turned out to be a broken off calcium deposit in my ear. Extremely horrible and debilitating, but easy to medicate and solve. Essentially, a tiny little piece of calcium the size of a full stop rolls around in your inner ear, telling your brain and your body that you are moving when you are not. The mixed signals in the brain cause you to feel dizzy and nauseous and unable to work your body properly. It’s as if the floor of your house was the deck of a boat in a massive storm at sea. After a shot in the bum and the first dose of meds, I felt better but completely drained.
I slept in the afternoon with my mom hovering nearby and then we had dinner, bathed and I went back to sleep. Wednesday night was the worst; I was drugged up, mentally and physically exhausted and Charly had been traumatised by seeing me incapacitated in the day and so she whimpered, cried, breastfed and clung to me all night.
At least she only woke at 7:05 on Thursday. I woke feeling better but wrung out and incredibly guilty that my review and giveaway wasn’t ready to go live. I had to message people and tell them I was running behind; which they were fine with while I was not. My sister and my niece came to visit and check in on me from 10-12 and then I FINALLY finished the review and it went live after I made lunch.
About an hour after my mom left for the day; Charly had one of the worst nappy disasters since she was a baby – in the neck and hair type disasters. After stripping her and wiping her down we went to the bathroom so I could run is a bubble bath – I needed one too after that change. And I turned around as Charly slipped and face planted on the bathroom floor. Rushing to her to pick her up I nearly joined her because she had peed all over the floor which is why she had slipped in the first place. It’s worth noting that I was not meant to be running or making any sudden movements after Wednesday; but, you know… #momlife
Thursday night was probably the best of the week, with Charly only waking every 2 hours and only forcing me out of bed at 6:50 on Friday morning. I had wanted to write a piece for me on Friday, but it wasn’t feasible. Charly was clingy all day even with my mom there; tearful and unhappy, she mostly just wanted me – and she always comes first with me.
Then more client work, responding to my interview questions for Carla from A fit as mommy and finally framing and creating the new Supermommy article for tomorrow. Friday night started badly; as we went into Charly’s room, we saw that one of our cats had peed all over the bed Charly and I share – through the double down duvet, through the sheet and into the mattress, he even got one of my pillows. Brett lost his temper completely and ran after the cats shouting, while I felt beaten by this awful week. I stripped the bed, flipped the mattress and put a fresh sheet on. I put a thick cot duvet inner down for C to sleep on and covered her on her usual blankets. And I dressed in my Teddybear onesie and slept under a single blanket that night.
I needed down time with Brett more than I needed sleep, or so I thought. I loved snuggling and watching shows, but I went to bed too late and Charly was destined for another 90 minute wake up night. I also couldn’t fall asleep til after one, because she kept waking as I dozed off and my mind was spinning after the week. It couldn’t get any worse right?
At 6:10 on Saturday morning Charly started crying and climbing on top of me which is when I discovered that her nappy had leaked – through everything. And so I was in the bath with her by 6:30 on a Saturday morning. The rest of the weekend has been a bit of a blur. I have framed about 8 stories for the next few weeks. I have finished the next Supermommies post. I have been swirling story angles round my head for my main client. And I have some plans for my career future brewing as well.
I’m not sure how it happened that I am chafing at the bit to get into the coming week; usually a week like this would put me under the covers for weeks. Maybe it’s the lack of opportunity to spend that time brooding, or the need to get into the new week to escape the last one, or even something deeper and more meaningful like growing up, growing wiser or wanting to be better as an example to Charly. Probably the good influence of my Supermommies kicking in
Let’s shake off last week mammas and head into the coming one a little lighter.
Sending all the love xxx