I have loved you every moment of the last 10 years. Some of those moments have been hard, some of them have been filled with fighting, some with hurt; but every one of them has been filled with love. People have asked why I tend to call you “Husband” instead of using your name or some other term of endearment. The answer is simple. I am fiercely proud to be able to call you that; when you put those rings on my finger 3 years ago today, it was a literal dream come true. My husband. My love.
Our life is not perfect; it is often the furthest thing from. Marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. We get so caught up in the day to day things, the routines, the chores, the frustrations, that instead of reaching out and touching hands, touching base, we end up snapping items from our to do lists at each other. We forget that we are first and foremost a team. Husband and Wife. Yes, life can get hard and work can become all consuming, but we are going through this life together. A choice we make every day. Loving each other is a choice we make every day.
I neglect you. I get so swept up in work and my businesses and being a mom and being so very busy every minute of every day; that I forget to take time for just you, for my Husband. To put everything down, including our daughter, and hold your hands and be there in the moment with you. I promise I will try harder to let you know that you are seen and you are loved.
I don’t say thank you enough or loudly enough. I don’t always show you how much I appreciate you and everything you do. I promise you I do appreciate you and I promise you, I know. I know how much you do. I know how you stop working at random times of the day just to check in that I am ok. I know you choose my favourite foods to make for dinner. I know you drop things, and fetch things, and scan things, and copy things, and collect things, and organise things, all to make my life easier. I know that you are a great Husband.
You are the man that literally made my dreams come true. The fairy princess wedding, incredible life changing experiences rolling on the grass with cheetahs, walking with elephants, surrounded by dolphins, crossing the Zambezi with a swimming elephant and laughing hippos, being sprayed by the breathtaking Victoria Falls, staying in beautiful hotels, and America – my ultimate dream destination I didn’t ever think I would reach.
Supporting me through starting my own businesses, encouraging me to grow and embrace who I am and see the things that others said was “too much” as my own personal superpower. Helping me to be a work at home mom; providing me with the space, tools and the tech support that has meant.
I don’t acknowledge how much becoming a mom changed me. And how you have barely had a chance to get to know this “new” me. And yet you love me anyway. I have been tired since I was 5 months pregnant. Going out comes with a list of things that need doing a mile long. There have been months that I haven’t got out of my pajamas. Even longer months I haven’t put on make up. There is always somebody else there with us, even when she is asleep in the other room; her presence hovers as I wait for any sound or sense that she isn’t ok. I am always a little worried, always a little distracted. I went from being this shiny, fashionable, groomed woman who worshipped you and only you, always putting you first; to a wreck who wears a mom bun and barely hears anything outside of the needs of the little human we created.
Have I thanked you enough for her? For our baby? For taking that leap with me, only to have me let go of your hand halfway down? She is amazing. She is so much of you Husband. From the gorgeous eyes and nose and brows, to her fierce little character, to her strength and confidence. I never look at her without seeing you, have I told you that? Have I told you how it takes my breath away that we created this perfect little creature out of our love? Have I told you how my very best memories are of those first two weeks we spent together when we brought her home? How my heart feels like it will explode when I watch you two play together or lie together telling stories or dancing together around the lounge.
I hope that even through the very worst of times, you knew that I love you with my whole heart. That you have made me better. That you gave me the confidence to do all the things I spend so much time doing now. And I know that is so very unfair to you. I want to be better. I want to DO better. I promise I will try.
Forever and ever until death do us part. I love you for always Husband xx