I only realised when I was preparing the blog for the makeover last month, that I was approaching my 100th post. It may not seem like much to some; but it symbolizes so much for me.
First and foremost, other than my relationships, this is the first time I’ve ever followed through on anything in my life. I’m an incredible planner, I am so full of vision and ideas, and I make incredible lists… I occasionally even start on things, but then something distracts me or becomes more of a priority, and my beautiful plans become buried under a pile of life.
Somehow, even though this has been the busiest, most stressful, most exhausting time of my life, with priorities higher than I could have imagined, I’ve still managed to keep this little part of the world going for me. And now, I’ve taken it a step further, given it a shiny new home and have all kinds of plans and schedules and story ideas… So having reached 100 posts makes me feel proud and motivated to keep going.
With the remodel, I’ve also been rereading a lot of my old posts. 100 posts covering this incredible journey into parenthood; with all the challenges and heartbreak and all the swelling love and growth and pride that has come along with it. I love that I can watch myself stretch and learn, and how I shake my head at my preconceptions of what life would be like. I love that I can look at myself at a point where I felt so low I didn’t think I could get back up; and then I see how you amazing women rushed to tell me I was not alone and I just needed to push through a little further for a little longer and I would get to the other side… and then I love to see that you were right.
And watching my baby girl grow through my words and photos, from a shadow on a scan to this huge warm personality that just explodes love and light into the room as she enters at a run in her tutu, kicking a ball, with her sunglasses on and a favourite toy in hand. To read about the tiny triumphs and milestones she has taken on with such enthusiasm and strength, to see how – even when it felt like forever – she recovered so quickly from illnesses and teeth and bruises and falls, and within a few days was once again taking everybody’s breath away with that incredible smile of hers.
Reading as I made some mistakes I can only recognize as such after the fact. Contemplating what I would do differently in raising Charly or what I might do differently if I choose to take this wild ride again (I think that needs a post of it’s own).
And watching my innocent unknowing self in my pregnancy already thinking of baby number two; seeing my world tilt and spin completely and how I instantly wrote off the idea of another; and now watching as I slowly circle the idea again – not for now, but as a reality for the future. Amazing how nature does that, dusts away the worst of it all and leaves you with these perfect memories of tinyness and wonderment and aching love.
I’ve also been making a journey back towards myself; accepting that the person I am now is so much more than the person I was, but there are parts of me from before that survived the upheaval.
Part of expanding the blog is to weave some of the rest of my world into the parenthood space I’ve created. It allows me to add some fresh perspectives to my own experience through interviewing other preggy mommies and parents of varying numbers of kiddies. I’m going to share a few winning recipes I’ve stumbled across in my search for food that Charly will eat. I’m also going to indulge in my love-language of gift giving, by finding amazing new things to give to you guys. And, of course, I’m going to stay on course, continuing to share the happily, and not so happily, ever afters of parenting.
To those who have walked this road with me from the beginning, to those who have joined us along the way and to those who have yet to find us when your paths cross ours –
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there, for sharing in my world and for sharing yours, for celebrating with me every step of the way, for holding me up when I just couldn’t anymore, for believing in me and helping me to believe in myself. I’m so looking forward to the next 100 with all of you.
Sending ALL the love xxx