Is there ever a time where you don’t feel like you just fail as a mom? For me, it started right from the beginning and I get a fresh rush of it every other day. I doubt myself as a person, as a mother, constantly. And then, the other day, after a little “all fall down” on Instagram and Facebook, I had you awesome mamas reminding me that I was not alone… It made me stop, and think about WHY I felt that way. It isn’t because what I am doing is wrong or dangerous for my child or anybody elses, it is simply because I know that there are a million people out there that believe that their way is the ONLY way. I still feel like I fail on the regular, today included, but I remind myself that how I am raising my girl is not the wrong way or the right way, it is just MY way. So I have my little meltdown and then I shake it off. So here are some of the things I do MY way… and why I don’t care if you think I am wrong.
I know it always seems like I vanish from the earth during the #CarseatFullstop campaign; but now that I am going to be running it year-round (yay!! And so much exciting news on that later) I am going to have to learn to balance it with the rest of my life a bit better. But since I suck at balance, for now, I’m just going to bombard you with all things Christmas and give away all the cool things until you forget that I’ve been scarce this year! It seems only fitting to kick this all off by reviewing an awesome Cape Town photographer who has a magic touch with kids and cameras. The lovely Josie from Josie Photography, caught little Miss Charly’s excitement as she opened up some of the most gorgeous gifts around for this Christmas! (Christmas lists coming soon!!!) Aaaand we put together a little something-something for you, where one of you won a mini Christmas themed photoshoot AND a gorgeous Cotton Candyfloss Christmas chalkboard! Congratulations Rebecca Wolmarans!
One of the things that frustrates me the most with South African car seats, is that so many of our children outgrow their harnessed child car seats before they are able to safely use a booster seat with the car seatbelt alone. I had to face this with our secondary car seat that lives in my mom’s car recently. What am I talking about? Contrary to occasionally misleading salespeople and brand reps, other than 2 car seats in South Africa, all toddler seats – rear or forward facing – only allow use of the harness up to 18kgs and 105cm. (I believe there is 1 that goes to 18.5kgs) This is where my obsession with the BeSafe iZi Plus began, because those 2 car seats are the BeSafe iZi Plus and the Volvo Maxway. And when I first learnt this fact, along with the start of the information on extended rear facing, nobody had yet heard of the Volvo car seats in South Africa.
I have shared these facts in random places, in words. Never all in one place and never with photos. Last year, I started a crusade with #CarseatFullstop. I was so full of righteous anger and frustration at all the parents of South Africa that had the means, but didn’t use car seats for their children. I still carry a huge amount of frustration, but it comes with a humility of having faced my own mom shame on all the things I was doing wrong that was putting my child’s life at risk… This is not a pat-myself-on-the-back for changing my ways post.
This kid. You guys, my Charly Roses is phenomenal. She takes my breath away with her intellect, her beauty, her sense of humour. Even when she is being impossible, I am a little in awe of the human she is becoming. She has outgrown 90% of her clothes, suddenly all long legs and arms. She is learning faster than I can follow. Being back at school has found us struggling with her being really tired and really (REALLY) emotional and all over the place. She is loving being back with her friends and teachers though, so she should settle soon (I hope?).
While these holidays certainly aren’t my first rodeo, I have come to accept that holidays when you are a work-at-home mom are rough. I am incredibly lucky to have my mom as back-up, who spoils Charly with sleepovers and keeps her happily occupied most of the day. BUT! I chose to work from home so I don’t miss too much time with Charly. Holidays are a time when I force myself to stop working for a few hours at a time, no matter what, so we can make memories together. So if you are sitting wondering how on earth you are going to get through the holidays with a toddler… Here are a few tips that have helped me survive.
You guys know I don’t drive very far very often, but I travelled all the way out to Kraaifontein for Bugz Playpark. And it was worth every single second! Bugz invited myself and my family to spend the day as VIPs in their playpark last year. My mom, sister, niece, Charly and I decided to kick off the September holidays with a proper spoil and headed through early one morning. My sister had been once before and told me how wonderful it was, but she didn’t do it justice. It is genuinely paradise for kids.
Charly’s third birthday party feels like years ago already. A few days after her birthday she started with a fever, and by Saturday we rushed her to the doctor when she was covered in a rash. The rest, as they say, is history (which you can read about here).
There are certain things in my head that epitomize motherhood and family. The routines of everyday life, school drop offs and pickups, sports days, storytime before bed, snuggling in pjs with popcorn watching series or movies, colouring in, a roast dinner and a long Sunday afternoon drive. And then there is the family holiday …
Becoming a mom changed every single thing about me. Starting this blog when I fell pregnant was the first step in a journey to me discovering depths of love and understanding I never knew existed. For my baby, yes; but also for and with some of the most incredible women I could imagine. The friendships I have been blessed with since becoming a mom are beyond what anybody deserves. Least of all me with my constant busyness and exhaustion and inability to talk on a phone or drive any distance. And yet, these women get that. Not only do they get it, they live it too and it is part of the reason our relationships are so strong. Only another mom knows… [Read more…]
You will all have noticed that I vanished rather suddenly right around Charly’s birthday. Her birthday posts are sitting half written in drafts and the dozens of story ideas I’ve had are still sitting in their folder waiting for me. Many of you follow me on social media; I post daily on Instagram, a daily photo of our girl and a short catch up on where we are at. Those who do, will have seen we were hit hard the week after Charly’s party with suspected measles or scarlet fever. The doctor couldn’t be sure which, but said because Charly was vaccinated it wasn’t serious, so treat the symptoms and move on. At the time, I was just relieved that she would be ok. But then I started thinking…
The first thing I kept thinking after reading the blog post about the mom who did everything right only to have a perfect day that ended in a shattered world, was that I had no words. Those words kept repeating, “I have no words”. I wished with every ounce of my being that I could un-read it. And then I found I definitely DID have words. So many words I needed to get out of my head as fast as possible. I tried venting a bit about it. I tried talking it out with some of the people who are special to me. I feel raw from the words this mom had to write. [Read more…]
Today marks my return to this little space and the official start of 2017 for me. While 2016 held some huge life changing events, it left myself and so many of the people I love battered and bruised and emotionally exhausted, and I am so very happy that it is gone. Goodbye to 2016 and good riddance!
There is a big difference between finding time and making time. If I try to find time for things, especially things I want to do as opposed to need to do, I can never manage it. I have been slowly shifting my mind set on this. Maybe it is because I am re-evaluating what I deem necessary to do. Until recently, the only time I had was for work, Charly and Brett. I have started making time for my family again, making time for friends and “down-time” at places like Rouge Day Spa for just me. I have been looking in the mirror lately and hating what I see… And what I see is a massive (pun intended) sign of self-neglect.